Are You Being Stalked? The Definition of Stalking May Surprise You!

After my divorce over twenty years ago, I became the target of a stalker. Alone and vulnerable, I made the fatal mistake of dating someone unstable. A host of psychiatric issues sprang up, including the tell-tale signs of over-possessiveness and jealousy--he became something of a landmine in the flesh.

After our break-up he would trail me on dates, once even breaking into my car to wait in the back seat while I danced with someone else. It came to a terrible conclusion one Halloween Night, when he threw me into the wall of my father's senior citizen apartment and attempted to "rough me up."Had I not been trained in women's self-defense I would have probably been a statistic. The six week course I had taken at Cal State Northridge {Betty Brooks' Defenses for Women }was an investment that doubtless saved my life. Today, we have MORE recourses available than ever to stop stalking before it gets to that point.

In California the NEW definition of Stalking has been broadened to include many behaviors deemed equally dangerous to one's well- being. These include:

1. A pattern of intention: Repeated messages, destroying or harming one's property, or even following at a distance on a regular basis. If there is a pattern you may have grounds for action under the Anti-Stalking Laws.

2. Credible threats directed at you, your family or your pets.This includes online emailed threats and letters, as well as verbal threats.

3. Reasonable fear as demonstrated by the victim-(ask yourself: Does this person make you feel uneasy? Is this behavior interferring with your life, your job or your peace of mind?}If it is, you have more resources available than ever to protect yourself from such behavior.

There are penalties for stalking. In California, if found guilty, the stalker can be fined one thousand dollars for the first offense, and do a year's county jail time. If you have served this person with a prior restraining order, he or she may spend as much as five years in a state prison. Some states now require stalkers to register as sex offenders, if the stalking behavior revolved around threats of rape or molestation.

Invest in a journal if you suspect that you may be the target of a stalker. Write down the incidences and the time. If the stalker drives to your street and watches you or your children on a regular basis, write it down faithfully. Always record the time. Judges and other law enforcements personnel will look for a pattern. Save harassing emails and letters; tape menacing phone messages. The more organized you are, the less chance the stalker will get away with his or her agenda. Use your instincts. If you feel threatened, chances are, something is not right about the situation.